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Waking up at 6:30 am was not the
beginning of a typical Sunday morning, April 2, 2006. Back pains most
torturing, I figured I just slept wrong. I managed to get to the shower.
After a long and relaxing shower I crawled back into bed. Nevertheless,
the comfort state did not last. So I returned to the shower. After
several attempts to relax and get comfortable were unsuccessful I came to the
conclusion that waking my husband maybe a necessity. Having two other
children and never experiencing labor pains in the back I was a little foolish. So my
husband and I put all the arrangements into affect.
Got to the hospital and the nurses
thought I was overreacting explaining to me that it was not "TIME".
Shortly after I convinced them that I do NOT question my body things began to
proceed. While waiting for the doctor one of the nurses did that "routine
check". Discovering that Sammy had his hand above is head and was holding
her finger. Not really thinking that was the entire truth I dismissed it.
A few hours went by and the doctor arrived. Believing that things would
move forward the doctor did the "routine check". The same thing happened
to her - Sammy held her fingers, as well. Water not fully broke yet and
this kid is introducing himself before his debut. Finally 6:31pm Samuel
Caine Hamilton made his entry.
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Slightly smaller than
estimated (6lbs 4oz compared to the 8-10lbs) everyone had no doubt
we had a happy healthy bouncing baby boy.
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Life began as normal as there can
be with a newborn. The two older boys enjoyed having Sammy around. The
oldest, Gage, having been through this before just accepted what came.
However, the middle child, CJ, ate up the big brother role like you would not
believe. Excitement and pride just does not come close to describe how CJ
felt. He wanted to learn EVERYTHING, even how to change dirty diapers. |
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Gage
with Sammy
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CJ
with Sammy |
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With a month almost behind us Sammy went to his 1st month
doctors appointment. During this visit the doctor
questioned Sammy's color. Tests were done and discovered
that he was a little jaundice. With a light blanket
ordered everything was heading on the right path. |
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Planning
Sammy's
1st vacation was more than anyone
could avoid. Daddy was so excited to introduce
Sammy & CJ to the dune buggy and the sandy hills of Oklahoma.
I think everyone sweat off at least half
their body weight in the 100 plus degree weather.
However, Sammy could not get
enough. He was so comfy that he just
slept and was content as could
be. |
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After our trip we began to
landscape our back patio. Sammy enjoyed warm weather with a strong wind.
While the family worked on pulling weeds, dumping rocks and putting up a privacy
fence Sammy swung in his little Whinnie the Pooh swing. It became the
running joke he was our supervisor - overlooking our labor.
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Thursday July 6 seemed to be run of
the mill. My husband and I took Sammy to his 3 month check up. We
had mentioned to the doctor that his belly was a little tight and bloated and if
there was anything to give to him. The doctor asked the usual questions.
We answered everything normal. The doctor felt around and did not like how
low Sammy's liver felt. The doctor was a little nervous but it is better
to be safe than sorry. He sent us over to CMHS to run some tests. We
went. Sammy seemed to be just fine. He would be making typical baby
sounds and laughing that evening.
Doctor called bright and early the
next day. He had informed me that Sammy's tests were showing he was anemic.
He had informed me that he made arrangements for more tests and to go to the CMH
downtown. Still assuring me that it is better to be safe than sorry and
not to worry.
Sammy and I made our adventure to
the hospital downtown and checked in at 9:21 am. With papers in hand the
staff was ready to begin Sammy's tests. In between tests Sammy and I
played, laughed and stuck our tongues out at each other. It was between 2
and 3 pm when a doctor and nurse came in. Both of them had such serious
looks that I know something was terribly wrong.
"CANCER" screamed through my mind.
They said CANCER? They asked if there was anything they could do. I thanked them and just
stared at Sammy. Just thinking - HOW, WHAT, WHEN all those questions
echoing in my head. Since I was alone with Sammy I finally had to leave Sammy to call my
husband and tell him he had to leave the other boys at home and to get up at the
hospital.
When Shane did arrive I sat down
and explained to him what was going on. We both broke down and cried,
while embracing Sammy.
We got all settled in our new
living quarters - Room 14 on the 4th floor. Doctors and nurses were in and
out thru the night
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Our first night stay we met a
nurse named Jill. She would soon be known as
Sammy's
girlfriend. It was quit odd when she was around. Sammy's stats would
be rather high, but if she came into the room they would drop drastically, but
in a good way. The two of them had just a strong bond. It was such a
bond that I knew this is how it must feel when a mother lets go of her son when
he gets a wife or girlfriend. However, at three months old I thought it
maybe a little too soon.
( HA HA HA ).
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A doctor came in on Saturday
explaining that a biopsy would be performed the next day. The biopsies
that would be done were the liver, bone and blood. The doctor said Sammy
did great and is in recovery. We were transferred to the PICU. We
did not leave his side that evening. The nurses from upstairs came down
for the next day and a half asking where their baby was. |
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It was not until Tuesday when we were
informed what type of cancer we were dealing with. A team of doctors came
in and explained how severe the situation was. One of the doctors
explained that it is a cancer called Rhabdoid and it is extremely rare.
They had several pathologist review the biopsies numerous times and each one of
them confirmed - Rhabdoid. The doctor went on saying Sammy may have days,
maybe weeks but a month was questionable. They did not
know. I interrupted asking, " So you are saying my
baby will not see his 1st birthday?" You could see the
doctor attempting to hold her emotions back. She shook
her head with watery eyes and whispered no. I would
say that was my weakest moment. A howling cry came
from me. The doctor came over to comfort me and shared
some tears. Shane was starring at Sammy with watery
eyes. Shane brought me somewhat back to a point of
sanity and said I was scaring Sammy. I think at that
moment in time is when I realized I can not fight this and
to help keep my baby comfy and secure. |
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We reclaimed room 14
upstairs and tried to play with Sammy. He was alert but not his playful
self. He just laid about and watched everyone.
Doctors came in and
requested to discuss our wishes regarding Sammy. We made it clear that we
felt a need to act somehow. Doctors scheduled a visit to the cardiologist
to see if Sammy's heart was strong enough for chemo. We dressed Sammy up in his
sunglasses to protect his eyes.
Sammy began his 1st chemo treatment on July 12th - Vincristine. He
actually would only have two treatments. Since he was so small any other
type of chemo may do more harm than good. Meanwhile, throughout the next
few weeks Sammy would under go multiple transfusions. Just a few
times Sammy would cry with a slight whine. No tears but the whine came out
as someone saying "MOMMEEEE." The first time he did that the nurse and I
froze thinking it was one of us. We both said, " It wasn't me," with
laughter in our voice at the same time. Knowing there was no chance that a
three month old can talk, but when he did it a few other times we labeled it as
our needed miracle. |
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We were not exactly the
best influence on the 4th floor. We scared a few doctors
thinking Sammy was a crack baby. But let me back up and explain. At
the hospital they have a thing called Sweeties. It is in
a little single coffee creamer container. All it is is sugar water. However,
when we needed to calm Sammy down we would dip his binky in it. With Sammy instantly calming down we
began to call Sweeties - Baby Crack. It helped to break up all the
tension everyone felt. That the term "baby crack" became widely used.
We would have to admit we did keep all the staff on their toes. On a
personal note - Gabe watch out for missing fingers, Lisa if you put in it will
come out and most of all Kathleen make sure you don't sprain your finger. ( HA
HA HA ) |
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Things went pretty smoothly.
There was so much love in our room that the pain of reality never really made an
appearance. It is hard to explain. We choose to except the
facts and not to have harsh feelings. A friend, I met at the hospital, once
said that there was a totally different atmosphere in our room. She
explained it was because we had excepted and did not fight reality as some
families do. There was just such a peaceful feeling when you entered.
Waiting for the calm
before the storm Sammy woke up around 10:30 pm on July 26th. It was
probably the happiest Sammy, my husband and I were since we came to the
hospital. Sammy not drugged or anything woke up chewing on his left hand
while pulling his right ear with his right hand. Sammy kept this up for
almost an hour and a half then fell back asleep. Yes with all things this
baby was going through he started teething.
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Looking back at that hour
Shane and I truly believe that it was a gift from Sammy. He allowed us to
see him, one last time as a typical baby - not sick and medicated.
Sammy's breathing began to
be more noticeable. You could see the difficulties he was having with the
tumor growing and pushing up on the bottom of his lungs.
Going through all Sammy's
pictures taken at the hospital we noticed that we did not get a picture with one
of his doctors. When she did make her daily appearance she was more than
glad to take a picture. Not knowing this was going to be Sammy's last
picture alive.
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It was July 27th in the
morning and everyone came in to say their "Mornings." We had a late start and
CJ had stayed the night before. So he and Sammy had their moments and Cj
went to play and harass the nurses. We got a call saying that a visitor
was here so I went downstairs to fetch her. On our way back upstairs
Shane's uncle met us. His eyes were blood shot and watery. Not
waiting around to hear him speak I took off. Running through a hospital
felt a little forbidden, but at the time you don't think about it. I
plowed into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. I said to Sammy
that Mommy is here and it is ok to let go. We love you and always will.
Sammy then took his last breath and was pronounced at 10:27 am, July 27, 2006.
A few hours went by and
Shane realized the date. His father's birthday. We came to a
conclusion that Sammy's life revolved around birth and new beginnings.
Sammy was born on his great grandmother's birthday, April 2, passes away on his
grandfather's birthday and is buried on 3 of our friends birthday (we didn't
realize), August 1. We truly believe that the foundation was the best way
to remember Sammy and his purpose of gracing us with his presence.
ON A PERSONAL NOTE
Sammy I know you were here
for a very short time, but your time was not wasted. You accomplished a
lot in your brief stay. You were the youngest yet strongest man I will
ever know. You were a traveler, a supervisor, boyfriend and fighter.
Even though you lost your battle you touched so many lives. You made an
impression on several people that crossed your path. Your father and I
hope that this foundation will honor you in ways that we can not describe.
We love you and miss you so much!!!
With such a supported team
- doctors, nurses and other families I just don't know how we would have been
able to deal with all of the intense emotions. With family and friends by
our side it made our support group even stronger. Thanks to ALL
of you that helped us through the roughest time of our lives
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- SAMMY -
Spread your angel wings
and watch over all of us.
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